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:: The Whole Ten Yards

After the Whole Nine Yards, a watchable film, the Whole Ten Yards is something you could easily walk out on. I can not figure out how this film got the green light; sequels must just be in fashion. The audience is completely underestimated, or the comedy went straight over my head, because it was not enjoyable or funny at all.

Nicholas ‘Oz’ Oseransky (Matthew Perry) suffers from extreme paranoia after the events of the Whole Nine Yards, and lives in a fortified house with his new wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge). His over the top anxiety reduces him to shuffle around the corners of the house in a girlie James Bond way every time the doorbell rings. We groan in unison.

Jimmy ‘The Tulip’ (Bruce Willis) is now a retired hitman living in Mexico, domesticated to cleaning and cooking in an apron while his new wife Jill (Amanda Peet) does the nine to five assassinations. Their marriage is not at its best, and jokes about a candle-lit meal followed by romantically killing a stranger together are less black comedy and more bad writing.

The story line follows the plot of the mob boss Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Polllak) getting out of jail and hunting down Jimmy for revenge of the murder of his son in the first film. He kidnaps Cynthia as bait to flush out Jimmy- who is faking dead. Surrounded by goons that give us an insulting version of the Three Stooges, Gogolak’s schtick is his bad accent and the jokes fail to give the audience any credit for intelligence.

Throughout the film we are supposed to cling to Perry’s confusion in the whole drama of events. Unfortunately Oz is so like Chandler from Friends that it is hard to keep an interest in the story line, and he delivers a long-winded summary of events just before the climax of the film to re-cap in case no one has been paying attention. This is necessary as the story is so weak and unexplained that you loose interest. Not to mention Willis turning into a sensitive new age guy who decorates the home and cries like a baby when emotional. Some of these scenes make you cringe.

It’s quite boring to watch and definitely one of the biggest plops I’ve seen; see it at your own risk.